"I enjoyed drinking a Tweaker in the hood."
How come Starbucks won’t come to my hood?
I realize that incorporating “WE ACCEPT WIC” into the brand is a compromise, but there is real money to be made here. Between the drug trafficking, prostitution, and government funding who could ask for a better location.
Sure, you might not be able to sit writing the story of your life on your Mac without getting jacked, but everyone likes a good coffee.
All Starbucks would need to do is make a few changes and I have made a list to help them out.
- Lids that spin like rims.
- No paid employees, that’s what foster kids are for, bringing in extra cash.
- One size fits all cups. It confuses people to order a “Tall” and get a small or a “Grande” to get a medium and what does “Venti” mean?
- Have a menu that relates to the clientele with drink names like:
Yo Popo
Baby Daddy
Mama Drama
Smack-A-Bitch
Shorty
Chin Check
Playa-Hater
Riker’s Island
Skeezer
True Dat
Tweaker
Wangsta
Buttaface
Ghettobird
187
- Every beverage is the same, no matter the name because all the customers are high. They won’t figure it out, but if they do all the glass is bullet proof.
- Stripper Pole
Look at the logo, I think she's tossing signs.
Was Snoop the inspiration behind the logo?
A post I read over at Suburban Enlightenment inspired the above brilliance.
First, I love you. Second, with Starbucks excellent social action, you’d think they wouldn’t discrimate like that. The need to bring that gig to every hood. Now.
This cracked me up.
bahahahah. Brilliant. Let us know if Starbucks moves to your neighborhood.
Love this!
Amazing! One of your best!!!
laughed my butt off!!
I think the addition of a stripper pole would bring in business for Starbucks everywhere, not just the ghetto! And a beverage called “187″ would sell like hotcakes!
The Starbucks lady really does look like that pic of snoop! I wonder if you would get writers block if you moved out of the ‘hood
.
I like “one size fits all cups”. (: I live in a small town with five Starbucks. The sixth one closed just last month because it was the one which profited the least.
that’s awesome…
My face is frozen with laughter. After Mama Drama, it was hard to keep a straight face!
Plus: that’s so true- what the hell is a venti? XD
~C
you are effing hilarious. awesome.
Agreed. Hilarious.
i’m reasonably functional (most day), and I can’t figure that ‘venti’, ‘grande’ and ‘gigantacup’ crap out… the Kwik-E-Mart has cups labeled “16″, “20″, ’24″ and “Defibrillator”. i can figure that out.
I think you should send this straight to the top execs! Hilarious!
You are one funny lady! Being from the Northwest where there are Starbucks on every corner, It seems like discrimination if you ask me….I think you could be very persuasive as their PR person. I have a bumper sticker that uses the Starbucks logo and says, “I Love Coffee and Guns”. That could be your pitch for the new stores!
I’ll take a Venti Wangsta with an extra shot of Buttaface, hold the foam. Unless, of course, I can use it on the pole!
Thanks for stopping by and leaving such a nice comment.
Hilarious. What an astute observation about the logo. A real slice of the hood….uh, maybe slice is a bad word choice…
Lol…I never realized that the Starbucks’ lady in the logo was throwing up signs…nice observation!