Posted: November 10, 2011 in Just Life, Motivation
Tags: , , ,

The last couple of months have been confusing for me on many levels. My path has mysteriously become rocky and the odd thing is I know what I need to do to get back to solid ground, but I keep stepping on smaller and smaller rocks instead of taking a leap of faith.

Sometimes I feel as if I’m sitting around waiting for Oprah to knock me upside the head and give me permission to be myself. Yes, seriously, I said Oprah.

I find myself pacing in circles quite often questioning the mysteries of the world.

Throughout my life, I have felt a nudge to do something that to anyone else might have seemed crazy, but I pursued that nudge. I was curious and open to the changes. Always, I adapted quickly and in turn, some wonderful things have happened.

However, fear has now overpowered me somehow and I question how to move past this dark place. I’ve lost faith and whether that faith is in the Universe or in me, it’s gone.

A friend of mine once told me that if I didn’t have belief in myself that I could borrow her belief in me, so I did and never gave it back. I’m sure it’s now tucked in the closet somewhere, useless as I still feel.

Another friend once told me that if I bought bigger pants to be more comfortable, that I would only grow into them. Not only did I grow into them but also I went up two more sizes.

What my friends were both saying was stop listening to yourself because you’re wrong. Get outside your head. Don’t get comfortable with your unhealthy self.

So why am I writing about this crap?

It’s simple; I am not at my best when I am not helping others. When I get trapped inside my own box and forget to lift the lid, it’s dark. My ego takes up too much space; my self-doubt is deafening, and my fears fester.

When I come out of the box and look around, I see more boxes. Those are my friends and maybe just maybe they need me to just peek inside and say, “hey, you okay in there?”

See at first it’s just a plaything like when we were kids climbing in and out of a new appliance box. It’s fun to be in the dark cave, playing castle, or floating in a submarine with playmates. The confinement allowed us to imagine the world because it provided us a quiet and peaceful space to explore.

Then we grew into our box, kicking out our playmates, and our adult voices became that of our parents lost dreams. Perhaps, that’s just the echo in my own world, but I think whoever is reading this can probably relate.

Lift the lid and see who comes to play.

  1. Jennifer Long/Janus Photo Arts says:

    Just perfection. Time to play! 🙂

  2. Wow. Just wow. Your blog is freaking hilarious, but that post was just powerful. I love the idea that all these people around us are in their own boxes and they need someone to come over and peek in, just like we do. I know i need someone to see if I’m “OK in there,” I suppose I should check on some of my friends in their boxes, too.

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