DUCK LIPPER OR MOUTH BREATHER

Posted: January 13, 2012 in Just Life
Tags: , , ,

The other night as I stood in line waiting my turn at the deli counter I spotted a Duck Lipper. For those of you unfamiliar, a Duck Lipper is someone who pushes their lips outward like a duck. These people whether waiting in line or dancing at the club seem to channel all their intensity into their lips and are normally quite outspoken. When I see them, I think of my mother saying, “you better stop doing that or your face will stay stuck that way.”

The next time you’re standing around observing people, try to find the following because I promise there is always one if not all.

Frowner: This is the group where I place myself because our misery naturally droops down our face like unused silly putty and we don’t care if your team is winning the World Series or you won the lottery, just keep your excitement to yourself.

Smiley: Ever look over to see someone standing around smiling at nothing and you can’t help wondering what happy thought they might be replaying, but then time goes by and they’re still smiling. Maybe it’s a long thought so you follow them and they never stop smiling. WHY ARE THEY SMILING? Are they high or just thinking about porn because this can be the only explanation to a Frowner. Unless of course they’re a serial killer then following them probably wasn’t a good idea.

Mouth Breather: Yes, you got it, a person who looks as if they are always breathing from their mouth. They never close their trap and watching them handle deli meat makes me feel sick. Please don’t breathe on the meat! Is it so hard to close it once in a while, will they really stop breathing, or are they so lazy they can’t make the effort? Didn’t their mom teach them about catching flies?

The Mouth Breather calls my number; I slide my little paper into my pocket and look around. Everyone starts looking around as he calls my number again and I’m afraid the lady who pulled a number after me is going to out me to the Mouth Breather.

“Obviously, they’re not here!” Oh thank God, you can always count on the Duck Lipper to take charge.

My number is passed and I am clearly in no mood for fresh meat so I guide my kart slowly toward the packaged and processed instead.

Hey, why is that Smiley following me?

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Comments
  1. I like your writing style. Thanks for writing!

  2. I don’t know if I should be happy or sad that I knew exactly what you were talking about when I read the title. Very well written. I am getting ready to go to the store, and I will certainly be on the lookout as I pass the deli counter.

  3. nataliealner says:

    I am also a frowner. I also love to do people-watching… trying to be discreet is the difficult part. Look long enough to absorb the details but not too long so it’s considered staring and make the other person uncomfortable.

  4. writergyrl says:

    I do the same exact thing when I am out in the world. Too funny. Isn’t it amazing how connected we all are in thought and yet our work is so unique and original. Love your style.

  5. Jessica Hutchison says:

    Awesome post. I laughed out loud 🙂 I love people-watching, too. When I’m at the deli, I’m afraid that I would be classified as “the eater” – scarfing down all the nasty free samples.

  6. Sandi Ormsby says:

    The picture of Napolen Dynamite is perfect to accompany this post! 🙂
    I’m smiling on the inside, but I always look like I’m thinking or someone might interepret it as anger.

    Sandi
    http://www.ahhsome.wordpress.com
    Lake Forest, CA

  7. miq says:

    The way you describe the world you see is awesome.

  8. Momma E. says:

    I see lots of duck lip pics on fb. Girls take pics of themselves in mirrors and duckface happens. Like when you put on mascara and your mouth falls open. Following your blog. Enjoyed traveling thru it today.

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