DON’T FLICK THE PICK

Posted: February 11, 2012 in Darks, Just Life
Tags: , , , ,

One of my latest pet peeves is walking through my own yard and stepping in dog crap when I don’t even own a shitzer. It makes me so angry and makes me want to bag my kids poop and dump it on every dog owners lawn in a one block radius. Grrr, do you know how hard it is to clean Converse tread with a twig?

Anyway, while taking a walk around the local park last week I realized I have a new vexation unrelated to the furry.

As a kid littering was not an issue until an Indian started crying and someone coined Earth Day. Smokers were cool and flicking your butt the farthest even cooler, until the day old people started mall walking as exercise.

Today, living in the hood means you get used to the plastic bags tangled in branches, scratched Lotto tickets along the curb, and used condoms on the crosswalk. However, I refuse to accept the newest trend of litter. It’s gross and I have officially made it my number one peeve…

FLOSS PICKS!

What the hell people? Who decided it was okay to floss on the go and why is it okay to flick your pick? All along my route…Floss Pick… Floss Pick… fucking Floss Pick.

I even walked by a parked Mercedes, which in my neighborhood means it’s about to lose all four tires or the driver is getting some kind of quickie fixie, and there on the middle console—Floss Pick!

It’s not so much that people are using the earth as their own personal trash can, but that they are flossing in public. It’s disgusting. Do you know what your face looks like as you floss? Not hot.

Do you realize you’re leaving your mouth cooties on the console, windshield, or the back of someone’s head? Yes, if you pry something from a tight space it tends to travel onward.

Sure, I get it, you ate a slab of meat and a piece wedged itself behind a molar. We all have to do what we have to do to take care of our bodies, but let me leave you with this disturbing thought.

The nasty mouth bacteria that fuzzify your teeth, smells like dookie.

[Read above line again]

It’s like the scented tampon, you may think of it as an odor protector, but every woman you nudge by in the church pew knows your privates are scented.

Please stop flossing in public or at least wash your stank hands afterward and don’t flick the pick.

Oh, and while you’re at it, put a diaper on your dog.

Don't flick the pick.

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Comments
  1. jayrain says:

    Nasty. I haven’t seen much in the way of picks, but now that you’ve mentioned it I’ll probably see at least a dozen while I’m out today.

  2. cooper says:

    and here i thought fuzzy teeth was a new trend….damn…i’m always the last to know….

  3. I never laughed so hard as when I just read that. I think that was my favorite blog EVER!

  4. lostinatx says:

    I agree, the floss pick thing is pretty wrong.

    My pet peeves are used diapers left in shopping carts, on the ground in parking lots, etc.

    and

    half empty beverages left laying around in stores.

  5. joyannaadams says:

    Now…my best friend does this. She takes out her toothpick (that should be gold) and carefully digs at her teeth for five minutes while I’m still eating…sitting there …looking at her contort her mouth so she can get to the back…I’m losing my…stomach.

    I never say anything because her husband, who just died, never wanted any children. I figure if she had had children, her child would have told her “God mom…how gross!” because kids are great at telling the truth. Adults learn very fast it’s not always the right move.

    So I feel sorry for her and just watch in amazement. If there was a potential partner for her sitting at that table, I MIGHT say something in private…but no..I doubt it. She simply enjoys it too much.

    Some people LIKE to dig, and who am I to say anything. I’m a coward.

    Good post.

  6. limner1 says:

    LOL. Gurl, you got a mouth on you. Talk louder. Was almost home today when I saw a man with two dogs on a leash. He was letting them poop on a neighbor’s lawn. It’s raining but I stop, pull out my phone and before I could take the first shot he nearly choked the doo out of those dogs, trying to pull them off the lawn. Wonder why they don’t use their own lawn? Go ahead, talk some more, but um, should they use cloth diapers or add to the land fills with shitty Pampers?

    I will be a regular reader from now own. Talk loud and clear gurl. Loud and clear.

  7. […] lot of trash in the hood from dirty diapers to bath salt packages, not to mention the thousands of floss picks I’ve previously written about. However, the number one tossed away item seems to be… (drum […]

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