Posted: April 6, 2012 in Darks, Just Life
Tags: , , , ,

Easter is so frustrating. First, if you were like me as a kid, the whole pastel spring ensemble with ruffles, white tights and bonnets was torture. Second, sitting still in church with a sugar-buzz is so unfair.

This is probably equivalent to those of us who show up for mass still drunk from the night before and feeling nauseous from the smell of incense.

Now that I’m an adult, I have far more questions about the Easter Bunny than I ever did before.

Mainly, I don’t get the bunny, where does he live?  Obviously, some place secluded where chocolate stays just the right temperature.

What is his real name?  Is he really Peter Cottontail on the lam?

Why is he not fat? I spend a day eating Cadbury eggs only to gain an immediate seven pounds. Does he own P90X or what? Is there a six-pack under all that fur?

How does the bunny turn himself into a guy wearing a fur suit? Does he attend annual furry conventions and sleep with Dalmatian furies? Is it black magic? It can’t be, can it?

What’s up with the eggs? Did he live his childhood as a bunny trapped in a chickens body and started selling eggs for ear (top) surgery? It all starts somewhere people.

Or is he just the pimp of the hen house?

Do pimp bunnies wear diapers? He never leaves a poop trail like the other bunnies in my hood. I guess he don’t want no one to pop a carrot in his ass.

That’s slang for—kill the rabbit. You can only get away with passing off counterfeit grass for so long.

Happy Easter to all my Peeps, don’t go stale.

  1. Azure James says:

    lol that’s funny. I don’t think he makes any sense. And I have no idea either what eggs have to do with RABBITS. Come on!

  2. This was hilarious…and strangely thought-provoking…and the picture you chose was appropriately creepy. Well played all the way around.

  3. Savanna Lee says:

    I will never think of Easter the same way again.

  4. Sam Martino says:

    Thank you for reminding me of why I am scared of the Easter Bunny.. !!! I do love the stale peeps though lol..

  5. Claire Cappetta says:

    Your Easter bunny looks little freaky… like he’s on acid! Great post and thanks for finding my blog so I could have a giggle 🙂

  6. Lauren says:

    Brilliant! I’m Jewish, but we still had Easter. I was pretty bummed Passover didn’t have a mascot, though, so we made up Peter Passover. Yep.

  7. I love bunnies…but bunnies in a costume…ummm so CREEPY. insert CRAZY YELLING VOICE and beat the bunny up and run. smh. kudos on the post.

  8. Dawn says:

    This was the first year I tried explaining the Easter bunny to my 3 year old. I burst out laughing in the middle of the story (that I should have looked up online first) – I agree, it’s totally ridiculous, and makes absolutely no sense. I think your questions were good ones.

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