Posted: May 26, 2013 in Just Life
Tags: , , , , , ,
Totally haired out.

Totally haired.

I’m high on hair.

What? You never smoked hair? It’s totally dope.

The problem with smoking hair is that you can only shave so much from your own body before people start getting suspicious. Seriously, how long are people going to believe you’re a swimmer or cyclist when you don’t even know how to swim or own a bike?

Of course, nothing can compete with my own self-grown natural blends, but when crops are low, you have to do what you have to do, bush or no bush.

Here are a few recommendations when seeking a new supply:

  • Friends and Family: Only take what you need while they are asleep or passed out drunk. The worst thing you can do is get greedy because you’ll end up in a hotel room surrounded by Intervention film crew and family members reading letters that make you cry.


  •  Bars: Find the drunkest man in a bar and dare him to shave his head then call him a pussy if he refuses. Make sure to flash the clippers you’re packing to show him your serious. You’ll either get a nice ass whooping or enough stash to last a week.


  •  Supercuts:  This shit can play out two ways…
  1. Go in for a trim and tip the cute girl with the push broom a Lincoln. She’ll hook you up with a pound of Multicultural Bliss.
  2. On the other hand, casually ask to use the restroom then do a grab and run. However, I don’t advise this play because Supercuts is one of the largest cartels in the hood.
They will cut you.

They will cut you.

  •  High-End Salons: Not only is all the hair dandruff free from being shampooed first, they also have vacuums that minimize dirt contamination. This is where you go when you want the laced goods. All the rich bitches go to the fancy Salons to get their hairs done. After smoking a combo of old perm essence and red dye 13, you’ll think you’re Julianne Moore and masturbate all night.



  • Kids Hair: It’s the real veal. The highest quality of hair on the market for those who someday want to own their own money-making crop, also known as fostering.


May your split-ends always be plentiful.



  1. Loz says:

    I love this post!!! You’re really quite mad you know, but in the most delightful way 🙂 Thanks for putting a smile on my face. I was at the hairdressers on monday, but had no idea until just now, what a missed opportunity that was!

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