I’ve decided that Nike is in desperate need of my services.

Have you ever noticed all the Nike check marks on the Phillies players?

  1. Thumb of pitcher’s glove
  2. Shoes
  3. Knee pads
  4. Shirt collars
  5. Wrists of batting gloves
  6. Catcher chest pad or whatever it’s called

To be honest, it’s ridiculous, yet brilliant.

Then me gots ta thinkin’: Hmmm where would I swoosh a player?

  • The crotch of Carlos Ruiz is a perfect Swoosh zone


  • Instead of Eye Black on sunny days, the team could wear Swoosh Strips
  • Maybe even reshape John Lannan’s eyebrows into a simple Uniswoosh. He reminds me of Count von Count, “One pitch, ah, ah, ah!”

count Lannan

  • Clip Swoosh barrettes onto the back of Jayson Werth’s hair. Yes, I’m aware he no longer plays for the Phillies, but he still acts like a pissed off little girl, so he needs some barrettes. (Has anyone else noticed that he looks like creepy Brad Pitt in the movie Kalifornia? Yuck.)

Werth Kalifornia2-650x365

  • I think Comcast Diva Cole Hamels needs a diamond Swoosh earring (camera side of course)


  • Lastly, all uniforms shall have the Nike trademark hand stitched on the arse. I call this the Juicy Swoosh.

nike butt

So, dear Nike,

I have dedicated my 100th blog post to you and now you owe me.

Let me help you Swoosh the world.

I can do it if you pay me. Please just let me do it!

Fiercely Yours


[Note: Pics are not my own, but I did combine two in order to make the last one… brilliant I know.]

  1. shadylee says:

    Brilliant I say! Got a few chuckles I did and Every tights clad athlete Should be emblazened with a juicy swoosh! 😀

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