The day has finally arrived, Insanity here I come! 

Beware of Guns

Day 1 (04/17/12): Fitness Test

Today I took the Insanity fitness test, but not before I nearly died during the warm-up. Wow, I am out of shape and eating that ice cream while watching infomercials hasn’t helped. By the time I got to the test I was drenched in sweat and ridiculously parched. However, I pushed through and did as Shaun T told me until he said, “Suicide Jumps!” Umm… Dude, I’m 5’10” with a fat ass, but I did seven! Don’t laugh now because it only gets worse.

Have you ever done a Push-up Jack? It’s a push-up where you kick out your feet like a jumping jack. Do you understand? A push-up (hard) where for a split second your feet are not on the ground so you have no added support as they kick outward (HARD). My total = ½ (as in a half). My first attempt landed me directly on my face. By my seventh attempt I could did a HALF! That means I bent my elbows and landed on my knees. After the cool down I threw-up, but that might have had more to do with my previous night of indulgences.

Day 2 (04/18/12): Cardio

My eighteen-month-old daughter helped me workout today. While stretching she hung from my leg, danced around my body like it was a totem pole, and climbed on my back while I struggled through four push-ups.

On the next round of push-ups she put her baby doll under my face and told me to kiss it. I think this was her nice way of saying, “get that chin down bitch!” In the middle of doing Ski Jumps I nearly took her out and by the end as I’m nearly passed out on the floor, she sits on my head with a poop filled diaper. Thanks kid.

Get up and change my diaper lady!

Day 3: Refund please!

  1. Jennifer Long/Janus Photo Arts says:


  2. Aimee says:

    Are you committed? Or are you dead? Are you a sweaty mess? Don’t pick up the baby until that jell-o feeling goes away, ok?

  3. I just reread this and I can’t stop laughing. LOLOLOLOLOL

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