Posts Tagged ‘Sabbath’

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So I know you’re anxiously awaiting the follow-up to my Homegirls Potato Chips post, but first I needed to do some light housekeeping on my blog.

For example, I updated my About Me page and added a couple of new ones this week.

The Janet Reid page will be home for the writing contest entries I submit to her blog, which I recommend you visit by clicking the link provided.

I then created the S.E.T. page in order to replace my Search Engine Sabbath posts.

I won’t lie, I can’t keep up with the bizarre entries and they’re better off in one place where the humor can stay intact. Trust me!

Now go browse around.

[Note: Pic is not my own– though I would love for that guy to clean my house.]

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STAT 3

I’m starting to have this fear that when I die, Mister St. Peter is going to question me about my stats page before opening the pearly gates.

People have needs and the mysteries of cyberspace lead them to me; I am merely a vessel.

Seriously, it’s not my fault that girl fights are so hot, especially those Indian and red head ones.

It’s also not my fault I was born with a cranky face and a hot hairy ass. I mean I can’t help that I sexy and I holes, right?

The crack baggies I can explain… they aren’t mine… they belong to one of my hood buddies.

And so what if I can’t drink water because I hate it, what happened to free-will?

Plus, I should earn pearly points because I am a giver not a taker despite the use of graphics. Sometimes we just need to spice things up.

I think instead of trying to explain my blog to Mister St. Peter that I will assertively say, “Man, I am so sick of your bullshit.”

Then I’ll raise my shirt to let him know I’m packing heat and hope he respects me in the morning.

Jesus

Why does the day of rest never feel like a day of rest?

Perhaps I haven’t created anything as significant as the light or Adam and Eve or lets say the Universe, but somehow I’m just as exhausted as if I did.

As a struggling writer I feel I can relate to needing a day of rest. I mean how many starts did God have before he finished anything? Obviously if you look around he had a gazillion ideas. Imagine what his original pitch must have sounded like:

So there’s this creature that lives in the water and it can breathe… well it doesn’t breathe air, but water… and one day it ends up on land… so… it uses its fins to crawl… but then starts breathing air… but he doesn’t know… hmmm never mind… let’s say he has arms and legs and he actually likes trees… I think I’ll call him an Ape or Monkey or Gorilla… anyway he swings down and he’s playing in the dirt and he makes what looks like a weird head… oh wait how about instead we take out the monkey and we make some guy out of the dirt… he can be Dirt Man… no you don’t like that… okay just Man… oooo how about Adam… it can be a pun for… now dat a man…not sexy enough?… huh… well his rib fell off so I can make… whoa… a cooler man… check it… Wo-man! He… no She… has boobies and will eat a forbidden fruit!

Sold!

I think God would agree that writing a novel and trying to get it published might be a little more complicated than saying, “Let there be light.”

Let there be an Agent (that really likes me and has a twisted sense of humor)!

See, nothing, it’s way harder.

However, in order to at least stay in the light I have decided to commit to honoring the Sabbath.

Every Sunday I will post a picture of my Stats page from the category “Search Engine Terms.” By doing this we will honor the Sabbath through observation and remembrance of things once created on my blog.

You must have faith that this will be fun because there are some poor souls out there Googling terms that miraculously lead them to my blog. I’m sure they leave with great enlightenment.

For Example, check out these top search terms:

Blog Stat 1

  1. Fiercely Yours Blog: Someone is stalking me by searching just my blog title instead of subscribing, but that’s cool. Hey, maybe it’s God, he’s so mysterious.
  2. Sawtooth Shark? Yup doesn’t seem to fit I know, but click the profile pic on my About Me page for the low down.
  3. Then of course, searching for Wonder Woman delivers a few here because where else would they need to go?

Anyway, stayed tuned to find out about those girl fights and so much more.

May you rest in peace.

Correction, don’t get too peaceful because that means something else. I don’t think you’re quite ready for a weird funeral.

Happy Sabbath.

[Picture credits: One is mine and one is not.]